Q My manager is new to our company and is trying to keep everybody happy. She takes orders, over-promises and doesn’t question anything. She piles work (and pressure) on to me and the team and gets defensive when I suggest that more information is needed or that an incorrect approach has been agreed. I don’t want to undermine her, but I’m worried about my reputation, and the reputation of our team and company.

A. Let’s start by getting into your manager’s head: she’s new, she’s on probation, she’s trying to get a read of the organisation, her team and you. This has ‘vulnerability’ written all over it (expressing itself as defensiveness and a need to impress).

As she settles into the role, she will most likely get a good handle on what is needed, which will inform her approach going forward.

In the meantime, you need to focus on building trust – so she will accept your ‘steer’ and not feel undermined by you. A couple of thoughts:

First, your values. This situation sounds frustrating. What can you draw on to help you through it? Reflect on your strengths and values. In a year’s time, what would you like to be able to say about how you navigated this time? If you were in this situation, what support would you appreciate?

Second, your mindset: Get interested in her career and experience to date, where she studied, worked, the continuing professional development she has undertaken, and her thoughts about moving to your company. Find out what is important to her.

Think about how you can help her get to grips with what is happening in your company – the culture, who she should get to know, what has shaped your team approach, etc.

By adopting a curious and supportive mindset (not a frustrated or judgemental one), you are more likely to communicate in a way she perceives as helpful.

Third, language: Given that she feels vulnerable, you need to be sensitive about how you approach your concerns and avoid getting into “I’m right, you’re wrong” situations. Avoid framing conversations as, “you’ve agreed to the wrong thing”.

All conversations need to demonstrate respect. For example:

– Finding the positive: “It’s great that marketing are looking for that information”.

– Playing for time: “let me think that through and I’ll come back with some options”.

– Framing concerns as questions, or ‘wonderings’: “I wonder is there leeway around that?” or “does that comply with our policy?” This brings important issues to the fore while leaving ownership with your manager.

As trust builds, you can bring in more of your own experience and perhaps offer to speak directly with the client or another stakeholder to explore what is really needed.

Finally, remember your professional responsibility: building trust does not mean staying silent.

If you genuinely believe a course of action could lead to poor-quality work, reputational damage or a breach of professional standards, you have a responsibility to raise these concerns. Do so calmly, factually and with solutions rather than criticism. Explain the risks, suggest alternatives and be clear about what is achievable within the available time and resources.

Hopefully, as your manager gains confidence, she will become more comfortable saying, “not yet”, “tell me more” or even “no”. In the meantime, your influence is more likely to come from being seen as a trusted adviser instead of the person who always points out what is wrong.

Julia Rowan is Principal Consultant with Performance Matters Ltd, a leadership and team development consultancy. To send a question to Julia, email julia@performancematters.ie